This Game is Not a Game

I had a dream last night that election day was today and I only got about 200 votes because I did not have time to get my name out. It disappointed me but I told myself I would try again and get elected for another position like district representative, although I do not know if I would do best in that position. But my neighbor told me that one guy has ran for representative for over a decade and never made it, so that's disheartening. My talent is fixing the big problems with Baltimore. My community is relatively safe and tight-knit due to our diligence with keeping it so. We have community meetings and people who get stuff done when the need arises. We only have a few problems including the homeless guys at the corner of major streets and people coming into our neighborhood to cause trouble. I have to remember that this is mainly a social experiment and there is very little chance I will even make it past the primaries.

Keeping out of arguments that do not involve the city is hard. I unfriend people I cannot get along with on my Facebook. Yesterday I unfriended a guy who thought his military service allowed him to be an immature bigot (is there an equivalent word for jarhead but for being of the army?). Most of the stuff he said was controversial but nothing I felt a great desire to contest. He shared a post with a shirt that said "#AllLivesMatter except pedophiles, murderers, terrorists, etc. F*** those guys!" So, he was gone.

I cannot stop my friends from having friends who are ignorant and loud. There are a surprising amount of them in the comments of my most level headed and educated friends. Kudos to them for being able to put up with them voluntarily. Those kind of people trigger a lot of stress for me.

Slide the Train Back On

I feel like my brain had an orgasm that it did not get to enjoy. It is tired and cannot do any more creatively right now, but it does not feel satisfied. I listened to classical music and wrote a short essay on listening to one's favorite instrument as part of daily therapy. With the feeling of my brain going to mush, I thought it might be a good idea for me to try to write something therapeutic for those who have no help in dealing with their mental illness. I have a lot of advice to give an self-help/inspirational books seem to be popular. Writing out good advice that I follow myself usually makes me feel good not only because I am helping others but because it reminds me to follow that advice and I have an outlet. When I talked at Justin's memorial services, people would come up to me and tell me how my stories impacted them. Like any writer, I guess my pain and insanity can pay my bills. I do have some students loans from some useless undergraduate credits.

Another representative from Kaiser called me yesterday because they got a letter from the Department of Health and Mental Hygiene. They wanted to make sure everything was okay and if we could get the matter resolved. I was not in any mood to retell my entire story and listen to her. The fact that the behavioral health office now answers their phone baffles me. I swear on my work that they never answered the phone before. There is still the matter of never being able to get an appointment, but like I said I was not in the mood to talk to her about it. But I still did and I feel like I was quite dismissive, like "you deal with it" sort of mood. I have too much on my plate dealing with my own problems right now and freaking out to repeat for the hundredth time how Kaiser's treated me and hear you apologize over and over again. Don't apologize, fix it. Fresh start? Yeah? Okay then. Now go away.

On a more positive note, somehow yesterday I managed to re-edit the LPs that were messed up and get back on track for editing the footage we have. That project was looming over me like a potential heart attack. It was causing me anxiety just thinking about it. However, I did a lot yesterday and had a ton of extra time, so I just went headstrong into it. If I could not do anything with it, it was okay because it was a productive day all around. No less than three more hours of footage to edit but at least I am back on track for it. That makes me feel content.

Supreme Court Decides Rich Sex Worth More Than Most's Health

Hobby Lobby has won their case against women. Although my benefits are not threatened by this act that does not mean I am not outraged by this decision.

It is an embarrassing condition but  if it educates anyone on the great need of hormonal birth control (the pill, the ring, the patch, IUD) then I have no problem sharing.

My body does not ovulate properly and the lining of my uterus is constantly breaking down while it is trying to build back up. I can bleed for several weeks to months or go three months without a period. Cramps, bloating, weight gain, and hormonal outbreaks come out of nowhere. Because my body is not the proper environment for a child to grow in, if I were to try to get pregnant it would probably end in several miscarriages. The exact thing that stops some from get pregnant helps me get pregnant. It regulates my cycle so when I go off of it to try to have a baby, I can have at least one normal ovulation to conceive. Those who deny birth control coverage to women deny others like me from having kids. But this is not anyone's business but my own especially when it comes to my employment. An employer could deny my birth control and then fire me due to my medical condition. I would not put it past a company that wants to regulate vaginas that closely.

Remember, Viagra, Cialis, and vasectomy surgeries are covered; all things that help men have sex, so this is not a religious issue but a women's issue. Married women are more likely to use reversible long-term birth control than condoms.

There is going to be a lot of boycotting of Hobby Lobby. An artist friend of mine said although HB is the only craft store around her, she is going to start ordering supplies online. I thought about writing to other craft stores who DO cover birth control thanking them and telling them we endorse their business. That, or bring everyone's kids to Hobby Lobby and let them watch them as employees work. How many stores could 25 six year olds destroy in 1 week?