What's Wrong With Kingdom Hearts?

When I woke up, I was tied to a chair in the middle of a dark cold room. I could tell it was a spacious environment as my breathing echoed. It must have been a warehouse. A bare bulb of light shined over me, revealing only faint shadows of the figures behind it.

"You know why you are here." The man on the left spoke up. There were two of them and they wore business suits and sunglasses.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I mumbled in response, turning my head to avoid their gaze.

The man on the right rushed into the light and grabbed by shirt. "Don't play with us! Reveal your secret!"

"Down boy, Agent Smith." the other man laughed.
"But, Agent Jones, -"
Agent Jones put his finger up to quiet Agent Smith and then turned his attention back toward me. "We can do this the easy way. We just want to talk about... 'that' game."

"I know my rights and I am allowed to be silent."

"Oh, we can certainly make you talk. Why don't you just tell us? Why do you not like it?"

"I'll never tell!"

"Everyone else loves it. You will tell us."

"My lips are sealed."

The man on the right grabbed the armrests on the chair I was bound to. "Tell us! Why don't you like Kingdom Hearts? What is wrong with you?" His hand raked me across the face in a hard slap. "You like Disney, don't you?"

"I love Disney," I groaned. "Donald's freak outs are hysterical in the game."

"And you love Final Fantasy 7?"

"Of course. 6 and 7 are my favorite."

The man on the right tore his tie off and threw it away. "The game has both! It makes no sense! Explain this!"

"I can't. I just don't like it."

The man on the left snickered. "Explain why you don't like it or..." He pulled a VHS out from behind his back and moved the light that was blinding me. It was then I noticed a VCR and television on a table in front of me. As my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I panicked as I read the cover of the tape; The Fox and the Hound.

Agent Jones took it out of the case and slid it into the VCR. My nerves iced over. Every part of my body shivered. He had it set to that one part of the movie; when Widow Tweed takes Todd to the woods, takes off his bandana, hugs him, and leaves him there. Rocks formed in my chest. My lips rolled into my mouth. Tears were forming in my eyes.

"Alright! I'll talk! Stop the tape! Put the damn fox back in the car! He can't survive out there on his own!"

Agent Jones turned off the television while Agent Smith slid a chair in front of mine and pushed the light back into my face. "Spill it," he spat, literally.

Words wanted to fail me but I pushed them out like a ten pound baby. "The idea was just too perfect. The player would get to go through all the worlds and meet Disney characters like they dreamed of since their youth. It was made by Squaresoft, so we knew it would be well developed and not some crappy kids' game to be played once and then forgotten. They could have done so much more with it. All the heartless looked the same in every level. There are henchmen and character extras in every movie that could have been turned in Heartless but they just didn't do it. You go to a level, beat up Heartless, have a boss battle, and you're done. It was the same thing under a thin shroud of Disney, like ordering a cheeseburger with extra pickles and there's one pickle in the middle of the sandwich. And don't get me started on the Gummy ship! So much customization for a dinky mini game. Sure, people complained about how bad those segments were, so the company was like 'oh, okay, here's Kingdom Hearts 2, Gummy ship evolved!' and we were like 'where's the rest of the game?' and they were like 'you never asked for that'! They could have brought Bambi's mom and Mufasa back to life... and I would still be disappointed!"

A tear fell from each of the agents' cheeks. They untied me. "You're free to go, ma'am." Agent Smith sniffled and opened the door to the warehouse. As the sun's lovely rays hit my face and the color of nature danced in my eyes, I felt like a huge burden had been lifted off of my shoulders.