Why Mario Chases Peach

Mario opened the last door to the castle where Peach sat waiting. Upon seeing Mario at the entrance, she stood up and was taken aback.

"Mario, listen, I-"

A female toad jumped in front of Peach with one hand on her hip and another straight out in front of her. "Hold up, ho'!" She shouted at Mario. "You need to leave dis bitch alon'. She don't want yo' ass. She be tryin' to escape yo' ass for 8 worlds! You need to take a hint n' be gone!"

Petey Piranha was bobbing its neck vine in the corner of the room. "You preach it, girlfriend!"

"I tried to be nice," the toad continued. "And hoped you would get it, but oh no, you just gotta be all over her like a shell on a Koopa Troopa. You come in all Bullet Bill through those doors, demandin' to see her. Bitch, she can do so much better than yo' ass! She-"

Mario put his arms up in protest. "No, no, no. There'a must be some sort of a misunderstanding. I fix'a her sink and she no'a pay me. She owe me'a money!"

The toad scowled at him and then turned toward Peach. "You pay yo' bills?"

"Hell yeah, I pay mah bills!" Peach exclaimed, snapping her fingers.

The toad turned back toward Mario with a smug smile on her face. "See, she pay her bills."

"Alright'a then," Mario fumed through his teeth. His face was bright red. "I am'a sick of'a chasing you. I will'a see you in'a court."

The doors of the room burst open. "Hold it!" cried a familiar deep voice. Bowser stood in the doorway, breathing heavily like he had just climbed out of a deep pit. "I'm sick of this battle too. Just tell me how much she owes you."

"A' seventy eight ninety two."

Bowser pulled a checkbook and pen out of his shell and quickly scribbled out a check. He tore it out of the book so roughly that it nearly ripped in half. "Here. I'm sorry for all the trouble."

Mario snatched the check from Bowser's claws and looked it over. Satisfied, he smiled and put it in his pocket. "Next'a time you need plumbing done, I'm sending'a Luigi."

Peach ran over to Bowser and grabbed his arm. "Thank you, sweety," she said in a sweet voice. "You know you mah boo."

"A boo wouldn't put up with your shit." Bowser grumbled as he balanced his checkbook.